


The Queen's Unrest

by QueenKirriana



Series: The Kirriana Chronicles [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 13:30:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2549267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenKirriana/pseuds/QueenKirriana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirriana is troubled over giving the throne a heir but puts all that aside when Fergus comes to her and asks for help. There's trouble at Highever Castle again but this time the siblings can do it together. When the party gets ready to leave she is very unhappy with one of the companions Rae chose but puts up with it (barely). Tensions fly between the two and only mount once they reach her lost home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic also features my friend's Warden Raelyn Amell who in our canon is the Warden-Commander while my character is Queen. So that is why they both exist at the same time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares leave Kirriana unsettled and unsure of the future.

Kirriana laid awake, staring at the candle on the table beside her. The room was peaceful, well almost. Horan at her feet and Alistair beside her snored in harmony with each other. She chuckled to herself as she sat up. She got out of bed and walked over to the window, sitting on the edge of the windowsill. Something was keeping her restless, but for how hard she tried she couldn't place it. It had been a year and 4 months since the end of the Blight when the Archdemon had been destroyed, apart from its soul which now lies in the child that her best friend; the apostate daughter of Flemeth, Morrigan conceived with Alistair to spare them both. Alistair hated any mention of Morrigan and his child, his wife thinking that he was scared of something happening in the future. He hated that she had convinced him to do it and when he ever did discuss it he would only say "Just remember; I slept with that so that we could have a future." Kirriana had been married to Alistair and crowned Queen Kirriana Theirin of Ferelden, a year and 3 months ago. It was a marriage of love, not convenience. They had been together from the very start at Ostagar. 10 months ago, circle apostate Raelyn had saved Kirriana and her husband from a Darkspawn ambush in Umbralia 9:30 and had become Ferelden's Warden-Commander at the start of 9:31. Even though all mess from the Blight had been cleaned up, there was never a shortage of darkspawn that needed to be killed. Raelyn had taken up most of the duties, never without a grumble and argument of course.

Kirriana thought to the more recent events, Fergus had written to her, the first time she'd heard from him since he left after the wedding. He had returned to Highever, determined to restore it to what it used to be before Arl Rendon Howe's betrayal of their parents. Fergus had lost so much in such a short period of time that he was desperately trying to hang on to what little he had left. However he had become more distant, especially from Kirriana around the time that she had given up the name of Cousland. Maybe it was from all the changes that were happening all so fast. When they finally found each other, he had become Teryn of Highever because he had lost all of his family except for a younger sister who was now The Hero of Ferelden, betrothed to the illegitimate half-brother of the last king who was going to have his turn at ruling the country and a Grey Warden to boot. He had hardly had time to grieve the loss of his family, let alone adjust to everything else. He had written very formally, addressing Kirriana more as a Queen than as a younger sister. He had put everything that he had into getting Highever restored, taking his role as Teryn very seriously. She thought about paying him a visit. Soon, after he's had some time, she told herself.

"Hey, I think I'm missing something here. Oh yeah that's right, my wife." Alistair's voice sounded sluggish and when Kirriana turned to face him, she saw that he could hardly keep his eyes open "Well, let's hope your wife doesn't find out then." She replied with a cheeky smile. He laughed "I'm just a sucker for beautiful, intelligent women. The old ball and chain is such a drag funnily enough." Kirriana got back in the bed, raising her eyebrow at her husband while snuggling up to him quipping "Don't make a habit of calling her that Alistair or I might just tell your wife what you've been doing behind her back." He laughed, telling her how scared he was. She blew out the candle and he wrapped his arms around her, his warm skin resting against her cold skin. After a few minutes, he moved his arm and she shuddered and Alistair whispered "Are you having trouble sleeping again? Is the brew Wynne gave you not helping?" He stroked her shoulder, waiting for the answer. She pretended to be asleep so that he wouldn't worry. He returned to sleeping. Kirriana knew that if she admitted to him that she still wasn't sleeping, she would be subjected to probing by Wynne and while she loved them both, no thank you. Their status and condition as being Grey Warden monarchs meant that everyone was on special guard when it came to their health – Alistair in particular worried about how healthy they were. "Well, besides the fact that I have lyrium and darkspawn blood in my bloodstream among other things, I am as fit as a fiddle." Is what she would always reply to any inquiries about her health. Alistair and everyone else still held hope that children would be possible but Kirriana seriously doubted it. Not that she wouldn't love to have children with Alistair. What he was really worried about was the fact that he doesn't want the child he gave Morrigan to be his only child. If that ever became relevant, she would worry about it then. Finally just as the last wisp of smoke from the candle escaped the wick, she fell asleep.

There seemed to be nothing for a while and then she heard a little girl laughing. Kirriana sat up, and saw a figure run past the door, down the corridor. She stood up, putting on her nightgown before venturing outside the bedroom door. She followed the sounds of the girl as they got further away. Suddenly, they sounded so distant so Kirriana began to run, the walls of the palace winding around in a never ending maze. The girls laughter, multiplied, becoming shrieks of pain and Kirriana covered her ears crouching over in shock. The sound became a roar and Kirriana woke with a jolt. Horan jumped, startled by her sudden movements. She scrambled out of the bed, putting on her common day gown that had already been laid out for her by the maids, making Alistair confused. She ran to the door and opened it, running out with Horan bounding along behind her.

She ran through the corridors of the palace going straight to her place of refuge, the library. Quentis Voral, the librarian was taken aback by the monarch charging at his door. He let her in and was surprised when she assertively ordered him to bring her the entire Grey Warden Ferelden Archive in the study. He took it upon himself to leave after doing so and Kirriana knew that she would also owe him an apology later, as usually they speak in a very warm, friendly tone. Her aggressive, abnormal behavior would surely be adding to the concerns about her health. She sat in the chair with a large candle, desperately searching for some answers, deciding that any would do. She found none. What she was experiencing was something no other Grey Warden had gone through. A terrifying theory occurred to her. She flipped through wardens dating back to the Second Blight to read more about The Calling. When she reached the Dragon Age she found the reports of an elven mage warden from the named Fiona who told of what the symptoms of The Calling are because she and several others experienced an accelerated taint and some of her companions faced the Call earlier than normal. What Fiona described did not match. Kirriana felt nauseous suddenly and rushed to a bucket to be sick. "Fourth time in two weeks." She muttered to herself. Horan whined curiously at her "Don't worry. I'm fine." He wagged his tail and barked at her in understanding. She continued reading about Fiona, seeing in her profile that she left the Wardens and became an Orlesian Circle First Enchanter. She continued flicking through and saw a small book slotted in between a report. Seeing that it was her personal diary, Kirriana figured that it might hold more information for her. Fiona wrote of an impossible love and many variables. A particular passage caught her eye:

_"Even though we are travelling down into a dangerous part of the Deep Roads where we aren't exactly spoilt for choice with meals, Genevieve can sense that we are near the end of the journey. Blondie doesn't seem so sure of it though. He grows more impatient the longer that we are down here, I don't like it here either. I have been particularly emotional as of late and I think my declining mood is starting to influence him. Nugs that grow wild down here is a staple. It is cold and dark down here and I grow aggravated and restless. Once again I had to sneak away from my lover in the dark of the night to reproduce the contents of my stomach. Duncan caught me and he dared to suggest something but I already know it to be true. I am with child. An illegitimate human/elf bastard with a Grey Warden mother who also happens to be a mage._

_Yes, because this won't add to my problems." ___

__The passage made several things clear to her: 1) Fiona knew Duncan, 2) Fiona was moody and sick before realising that she was pregnant, 3) Female Wardens can become pregnant. Kirriana sat back in her chair for a while before even beginning the thought process. "Could I be pregnant?" she asked no one in particular. She picked herself up, trying to find more about her pregnancy but only finding an official report that said that Fiona traveled to Denerim with the baby (classed as "A") when Duncan had to go on an official visit and the child was given to the father to be raised and when the Wardens returned, the baby was gone and the mother would have no contact with the child. There was no mention of who the father was but Kirriana thought to herself that it could be Duncan (though unlikely) or the mysterious "Blondie" who are mentioned in the diary frequently. She returned to slumping in the chair when there was a knock on the study door. She placed the diary underneath papers about the Calling before giving Quentis permission to enter. She knew that it was him, Alistair wouldn't have knocked. "Your majesty, your husband asked me to check on you and to tell you that he is waiting in the central Library to escort you to your morning meal." She looked at him and remembered that she owed him an apology. She sighed and said "Quentis I'm sorry for the way that I talked to you before. I… was not myself." Kirriana looked at him with a half-smile. "Of course my lady. I only wish to see a smile on your face. I believe you'll find the King in the Demonology section." He stepped aside for her to go through the door. She smiled, thanked him and went to find Alistair. She winded around the sections of books before seeing that it looked exactly like what she had seen in her dream. She started getting flustered at remembering it when someone grabbed her from behind. She pulled out her personal dagger and held it to their stomach. "Whoa! Husband! Friendly not hostile!" Alistair gasped. Horan barked at her. She turned returning it to its sheath._ _

__"Well you never know. You could be friendly and then hostile the next day." She laughed._ _

__"Ha well I would say that is you of late. Did you find what you were looking for?" he inquired. "I do not know what it was that I was even looking for. I couldn't find what I didn't know what to look for." She looked at the floor before seeing Alistair's confused face. Was it better not to tell Alistair? Had she even found anything? Fiona might not have been Duncan's only friend but if Fiona was still alive, did she know that he was dead? She decided not to say anything about what she had read to him. Besides, just because she had found out that she was pregnant didn't mean that Kirriana was. "Sorry. I'm sorry for being so grumpy." He held her chin up and kissed her. She knew that was an 'Apology Accepted' kiss. He hugged her and then wrapped his arm around hers and they started walking towards the door. Horan bounded in front of them Alistair commenting "Is food the only thing that he loves more than you?" They both laughed and he continued "Speaking of love, I know how you can show me how much you love me." He looked at her cheekily._ _

__"I don't think that we have time for that before breakfast Alistair." Kirriana said raising her eyebrow. "What are you talking about?! There's ALWAYS time for that. And cheese."_ _

__"The cheese could always come with us Alistair." Kirriana teased._ _

__"Really?! Wait you're just messing with me aren't you?"_ _

__"Of course not. Cheese is a very serious matter." She mocked._ _

__"Oh shut up."_ _

__"Make me." His wife said seductively._ _


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fergus brings her his news and Kirriana is extremely displeased by one of the companions chosen for the trip.

Alistair had to leave for Orzammar soon after breakfast because Behlen had summoned him. Sometimes they wondered if putting him on the Orzammar throne was the best thing especially since he had Harrowmont executed but Wardens weren’t even supposed to interfere with politics in the first place. Kirriana and Alistair had been promoted to Senior Wardens for their actions in the Blight but many argued that they deserved the title of Warden Constable or Warden Commander. Alistair, Kirriana and the High Constable all agreed that Senior Warden would do because they all command a lot of respect with their Monarchy titles. She had sent Wynne with him and Arl Eamon was at Redcliffe helping his brother so that left Kirriana by herself for a change. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to say anything to him and she cried when they said their goodbyes. Alistair thought that she was simply being sentimental and was going to miss him, but she cried tears of fear. Not telling him meant that everyone would go about their affairs without having anything else added to their troubles and she could have some alone time. Alistair had asked for Horan to go with him but when Kirriana had suggested it to him, he growled and ran away. Embracing herself for facing some of the difficult nobles by herself, the queen walked into the Landsmeet chamber to have to doge a Stonefist attack. A guard helped her off the ground “Are you alright your majesty?!” Kirriana nodded and the guard continued “Are you sure that you are well?!” She looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile before asking what was going on. “Ma’am that Commander of yours is in here terrorizing any noble that gets near her or tries to talk to her. I believe she’s drunk also. Personally, I don’t know why you keep such reckless company.”

Kirriana shot him a look “That is quite enough, thank you. You may return to your post now.”

He nodded and Kirriana turned around and scanned the room for Raelyn. Nobles were gathered into groups around the room with the most prestigious and important of the Nobles gathered in the far side in front of the thrones where Alistair and Kirriana sit. Kirriana walked through the hall, all nobles falling silent as they watched her. When she got to the thrones, she saw her friend lying across the Queen’s throne with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. “Kirri! You’re a little late you know. I would have saved you some if you had shown up on time. By the way, you’d think that the seats that host the royal asses would be a lot more comfortable. Now I know why you walk around with a stick up your arse all the time.” She hiccuped and the nobles took that opportunity to start gossiping about what an outrage it was that the Queen was dared talked to that way. It made Kirriana wonder how many bottles she’d really had. “Raelyn. Didn’t I tell you that drinking with Oghren and before midday wasn’t a good idea? Hmm? You need to stop terrorizing these nice people so that they’ll trust you with their safety and not want to have you killed okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. About those reports you asked me to do? Yeah well I did them but then Thor ate them!” Kirriana walked up to the thrones and helped Raelyn stand. “I-I-I I was horrified!” She said with part sarcasm and drunken astonishment. She hugged Kirriana before losing her balance. Looking past Kirriana’s shoulders she looked at the nobles. They looked at her in horror and she hissed at them and they recoiled in fear. Kirriana began to scold her when the doors suddenly burst open. Fergus came rushing into the hall with Horan strutting behind him making the nobles start whispering between themselves again. “Now there is one handsome man. He looks like he can handle himself in a dance if you know what I mean.” Raelyn giggled in her ear. “Who is he?” She looked at her friend’s un-amused glance before Kirriana looked at her brother said “A widower from the Blight. He survives his wife and young son. Teryn of Highever.” He approached the bottom of the stairs and knelled before meeting Kirriana half way on the steps. He hugged her and Kirriana, with a smile on her face said “Fergus. It’s lovely to see you.” He stepped back reflecting her smile and replied “Sister. It has obviously been too long if you have finally adopted the type of manners that nobody at Highever could ever teach you.” She gave him a glare before Raelyn blurted out “Sister?! That’s your brother?” She was still in front of the thrones but her mouth was open. Kirriana and Fergus walked over to her “What? Surely you can see the resemblance? You thought him quite handsome but a moment ago.” Kirriana quipped mushing her face up against her brothers as much as possible. Fergus chuckled “I take it that this is Warden-Commander Raelyn? A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He kissed her hand as Raelyn stared at him. Kirriana kicked Raelyn so that she would move and when Raelyn said “Ow! Bitch.” Fergus laughed remarking at how his little sister still had some of her manners intact. “Sister I have something of the utmost importance that I would speak to you about. It is best suited for only you and your husband’s ears.” He looked unsure at the Commander. “Rae why don’t you go and get another bottle of whiskey from the kitchen. There was a bottle I was saving for you.” She waved in the direction of the doors. Raelyn started at her coldly “Really Kirri. I may be drunk but I’m not stupid like your husband. I will replace him for now. I believe you need to ditch the vultures.” Kirriana shrugged at her brother and walked over to the edge of the stairs. “My good people, I am afraid that urgent business has called my husband away from Denerim. He does not know how long he will be away from but he asked me to relay to you that he will see you all once he returns. I will personally send you all a letter inviting you to come back when he has returned. Thank you that is all.” She turned around blowing on her face. Fergus smiled and nodded at her and she knew what that meant. “Okay, all the sentimental mush is going to make me sick” Raelyn remarked and she took Fergus’s arm saying “Shall we?” He walked in the direction of the King’s study and Kirriana rolled her eyes and followed. When they got in the door, Kirriana closed it behind her and went and stood next to Alistair's chair as a reflex from her husband usually being the one sat in it. Raelyn looked at the books on the shelves and picked up the Joining Goblet from Kirriana and Alistair’s generation of Joining’s. “Hey Kirri, why is this Goblet different from the one we have in Amaranthine?”

“That is Ferelden’s original Joining Goblet that is centuries old. I was the last to drink from it. We retrieved it from Ostagar. Your one came with Mistress Woolsey. It means a lot to me and Alistair so please put it down. Let’s not touch what we cannot replace.” Kirriana said with tolerance in her voice. “Jeez hard arse, keep your crown on.” Rae said defensively lounging across the seat in front of the desk. “If we could get to the matter at hand please? It is quite urgent and important.” Fergus said seriously, leaning against a wall. Both women looked at him and he continued “Highever was returning to what it was when father was Teryn, before…“he shuddered “It was late at night when I was in the kitchen helping the new cook Arli prepare supper for all the staff when her little sister Nicola came running through the door screaming about monsters coming and killing everyone. She said that they were corpses. I had Arli and Nicola hide in the larder to wait for me to return and I went to the main hall. Men ran past me screaming ‘Monsters’ ‘Abominations’ ‘Demons’ and I told them to hide in the library study. I locked all doors to the hall but they started sprouting up all over the place. I came here as soon as I could.” He looked down at his feet while Kirriana and Raelyn exchanged a look. “Fergus, I saw the exact same thing happen at Redcliffe with Connor after he made a deal with a Desire Demon to help Arl Eamon get better. Are you sure that no one is a mage?” Kirriana said cautiously. Fergus looked at her and nodded. “There’s one other thing, when one of the men ran out the door he screamed ‘The Teryn and Teryna have come back from the dead to haunt us”. He let Kirriana swallow that pill. Her face went pale and she thought that she was going to be sick. Raelyn sat up from her lazy position finally taking the matter seriously. Kirriana must have slid down from the chair as Fergus was at her side helping her stand and then sit in her husband’s chair. Fergus knelt down beside her “Sister?!” He shook Kirriana’s hand and Raelyn leaned over. Standing up, Kirriana ignored them and walked to the door muttering something to herself before calling out “Saphrina?!” Suddenly a little female elf came to her mistress’s aid. “Call for the horses, please. My company and I are going to Highever.” The elf nodded and sped off. Kirriana looked at her house guests before motioning to them to await her outside. Kirriana emerged from the Palace wearing her armour from her Highever days. She had Highever shield and the Family Sword on her back. “I will finish this the way it started.” She told herself. 4 horses were stood outside; she noticed that Anders had come with Rae from Vigil’s Keep. When she got on her horse Celeste; a present from Alistair, her brother noticed her armour and sword and commented “Isn’t that your old armour? And the Family Sword? I thought that was lost when Howe took over.” He said with a sad smile.

“No. Mother gave me the key and we retrieved it before finding Ser Gilmore. I kept it as a reminder of why a Howe can never be trusted.” Raelyn shifted in her saddle and coughed slightly. Kirriana shot her a look of ‘explain yourself this instant’ and Raelyn refused to meet her eye. “Rae, there is no point in keeping anything from me. Just say what you will.”

“I was planning on making this a party of seven.” She said slowly. Clearly counting the hounds as the respected individuals they are. “Yes?” Kirriana counted on her fingers “Me, you, Fergus, Horan, Thor, Anders makes 6 but who is the other then?” Raelyn wouldn’t meet her eye but then met them for a second before looking away again. Kirriana heard the other horse approach and as soon as she saw the black hair on the approaching figure, she knew exactly who the final member of the party was. Nathaniel Howe stood before her, smiling smugly. He bowed graciously before saying “Good day your Majesty. I trust that you are well?” He kept the smile plastered to his face. Kirriana scanned his face for any signs of malice or dishonesty but she couldn’t find any. She eyed him suspiciously and thought about his question about her health. Could it be a statement of irony based on their last encounter? It couldn’t be sincere, that would require him actually being trusted. Kirriana wasn’t going to give him that. She decided to ignore him. She turned her sharp look to her friend before saying out loud “I won’t allow this. There must be someone else.” without caring for her tone. Rae looked at Fergus and Anders for help, but they knew that it was the commander’s one to answer. “There really isn’t Kirri. I promise he won’t get in the way. Can’t you put your family issues aside for a little bit while we deal with this?” She must only think that it’s because he’s a Howe, Kirri thought to herself. She looked at her brother who arched his shoulders slightly not liking the idea either but then Fergus said out loud “Nathaniel shouldn’t have to pay for his father’s mistakes.” Kirriana gave him a look that said “And what of his mistakes?! I don’t want him in our home. It’s sick and wrong!” Fergus stared down his sister and won and Kirriana sighed in defeat. She looked at her hound who was scratching his ear and turned her horse towards the palace gates. She muttered something to herself before yelling “Let’s go” and setting her horse out on a gallop.

 

Kirriana led the group galloping out in front with Fergus close behind her. Highever mattered to her just as much as it did to Fergus. But that wasn’t it, she just couldn’t admit to herself that she also wanted to run away from the palace and everything in it.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a rough night at camp the assault on Highever's attackers begins.

They stopped to make camp as the sun started to lower back into the ground. They got far across the countryside and Kirriana expected them to arrive at Highever the next day. Kirriana made sure to stay well away from Nathaniel and Rae tried making several apologies to her for his presence but she was simply waved away. Fergus had tried to broker peace between him and Nathaniel and it was seemingly working. Kirriana continued to ignore his existence and took part when Anders joked trying to lighten the mood. As they ate they discussed the plan, Kirriana wanting to enter the way that she last left it, through the larder. Horan barked in agreement and it was accepted as the best way to get in undetected to see what they would be up against. Saphrina had packed a lute in Kirriana’s saddle bag and the group took turns signing and attempting to play songs on it. They all laughed at each other’s failing of knowledge of how to play the instrument. Anders then turned to Fergus who had reserved from the noise making and said “Well what about you ser? You are the elder brother to the Queen, you must have a talent for the instrument? Dare I say more so than your sister?” Fergus raised his eyebrow and took the lute from Anders and began to play a song Kirriana knew well. Oriana used to sing it. When he was finished everyone was staring at him and Fergus sat up and coughed passing his sister’s lute back to her. He told her to attempt to best him and she smiled deceptively. Fergus knew that when she was asked to play she could only play a few chords and at that, very badly. What her brother didn’t know, was that she only faked being unable to play in public, but she was actually very familiar with it. She decided on singing the gentle elvish song only know as “I Am The One” and when she started singing the intro she had everyone’s attention. She sang as she played showing off her ability to play the lute flawlessly and singing as softly and sweetly as possible. She finished and Rae had to shut Anders’s open mouth saying “Anders, you’re drooling.” He stumbled over his words and when asked to play another song, Kirriana picked the song Leliana had sang to her during the Blight. Her voice of course didn’t compare to Leliana’s but she tried to put as much power into her singing as the bard had. Seeing her brother’s surprised face meant that her work was done and she suggested that they sleep. “Why have you never performed before sister? That was amazing!” Kirriana shrugged and smiled at him. Nathaniel had first watch and Kirriana could feel his eyes on her while she was singing. She could feel them now. She shifted nervously, unable to sleep. She sat up and saw that Nathaniel was staring and made no attempt to conceal it. “Is there a problem?” Kirri said looking at him bored. He laughed with the smile that he used to give her instead of the permanent smirk he now has. The smile of the man she used to love. “You tell me. Come now Pretty Kitty we used to be close. What has changed since then?” His eyes were sincere and cool. She made sure that she was quiet as to not wake anyone else in camp as they didn’t need to know, before replying with “What do you mean ‘What has changed?’!” She mocked his accent. “Everything has changed! I am a Senior Grey Warden. I was the only survivor of the massacre of my home lead by your father! I was the only survivor of my Joining. I was one of few survivors of Ostagar lead by Loghain Mac Tir and King Cailan! I defeated the Archdemon leading the Fifth Blight with the aid of armies I gathered! I fell in love and got married! I became the Queen of Ferelden! That is all you will ever know me as. We are no longer children Nathaniel. It is time that you give up this illusion of us being as we were.” She said sharper than she would have liked. He swallowed hard before quietly saying “You ridicule me based more on my father’s actions than my own. Does it sting so that I hurt you all those years ago? It was foolish and wrong of me and it cost me my love. Something that I know I will never get back. But should the actions of one man stand in the shadow of another because they share the same name?” Kirriana had his eyes in a stare and she didn’t blink once.

“You are father and son and yes you both share the same name. You are more like your father than you are ever likely to admit Nathaniel. You are share the same blood. That blood flows with murder, lies, deception and leads to misery of people around them. You didn’t just hurt me, but others as well. You are both murderous traitors that have done more harm than good. Your father has tried to kill me more than once however; four times in fact, beating you. I have had both of you at my mercy after failed attempts to kill me and you survived this. Rendon’s last words were ones of spite and hate Nathaniel. The name you share with your father gives you the burden of all the hate and wrong he did atop of anything you do. That is why your actions are in the shadow of your father’s.” She looked at her brother before saying “The wounds of my parent’s deaths are still open but I fill their gap with other things while knowing that it’ll never be the same. Fergus is the same but he outlives his wife and young son. Time doesn’t heal everything. Only the people we lost being here will do that.” She turned over and laid down closing her eyes before hearing Nathaniel whispering “I am not my father” into the wind. Kirriana bit her lip before returning “That remains to be seen” back to it. Eventually Kirriana managed to find her way into a fitful sleep. She had her recurring dream again but this time the girl didn’t start screaming, instead she ran through big wooden doors. Kirriana opened the doors to find that she was in the Highever Main Hall. She looked around. The fire was lit but the hall was empty. She turned to leave when she heard the laughter again. She heard whisperings that faded just as soon as she heard them. “Where are you going pup?” That was what her father called her. Cautiously she turned back around towards the fire. The hall was now filled with people from Highever. Kirriana knew it wasn’t real. “Everyone in this hall is dead.” She said aloud towards the things that looked exactly like her parents. They looked younger and then a young boy came through a side door to stand beside Eleanor. Bryce called him Fergus but Kirriana had a bit of experience with these things. She was in the fade and demons were impersonating her parents and brother. She suddenly felt something go through her. It was cold, slimy but felt empty and hollow. It lingered inside her and brought Kirriana to her knees. It moved and ran towards the demons. It was her. She was seeing a part of her old life. Demon-Bryce picked the girl up and started addressing Kirriana. “You see pup, this was the way it was meant to be. There’s no blight here. Just us, your family. Stay here and be away from all your troubles. You belong here.” Kirriana managed to stand up and scoffed “I have been to the Fade before demon. Would you be so kind as to tell what kind you are and why you are in my parent’s bodies? They were in the ground sleeping peacefully while their souls are by the Maker’s side until you decided to use them as their vessels to the world of Thedas.” Demon-Eleanor walked forward with a look of confusion on her face “My dear daughter you talk of madness. We are your family. Not demons.” She indicated to the demons behind and in front of her. “No. This is all a dream. I saw my parents die. You’re not real and you’re not my family. Please get out my family’s body now.” Demon-Eleanor got quite mad at this before screaming

“YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH! WE HAVE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING YOU DESIRED! ALL WE DID WAS LOVE YOU!” and she changed into a Desire Demon just like that. “Ah that’s better. I always did find other forms too… restrictive.” Demon-Bryce, Demon-Kirriana and Demon-Fergus all morphed into a Pride Demon. “Yes. I quite agree Artis.” Kirriana noticed everyone else had been turned into Skeletons. Artis moved closer to the demon, stroking his arm. They seemed to have a mistress-pet thing going on but I doubt that the Pride Demon is aware of that arrangement. “Cillian darling, we must prepare for our guest. She will be here tomorrow and I can’t wait to see our darling children. May I just say, Bryce’s pride of his daughter looks quite well on you.”

“Eleanor’s desire for her children to live on looks ravishing on you Artis. We should leave the girl with a parting gift for parting tis such sweet sorrow” Kirriana suddenly saw a flash of the room with Anders and Raelyn sprawled up against the wall, Fergus with his throat cut behind the demons in their proper forms and Nathaniel directly in front of her with a dagger through his chest, his eyes turning glassy and empty, blood spurting from his mouth falling to the floor. She went to scream before a bright flash blinded her and she sat upright yelling out in shock. She ignored the questions that followed and insisted on setting out now. “But the first light of day hasn’t even started on making an appearance.” Anders protested.

“Anders if you wish to only travel when the sun is in the sky then I suggest you travel to it and ask it to rise according to your own preference.”

“Do you leave your crown at home anymore or is it permanently stuck atop of your head?” Anders said with a raised eyebrow.

“That is quite enough sarcasm for the day thank you.” Kirriana replied with a stern look. They continued riding and as Highever castle came into view, things seemed very real. Finding the servants exit that connected to the larder wasn’t hard. They crawled through, Fergus first with Kirriana walking behind Raelyn who watched Fergus very attentively. “Rae perhaps you shouldn’t watch my brothers back so closely. You’ll trip and should you fall your concentration shall be broken.”

Raelyn shot her a look and shot “Piss off Kirri.” Kirriana knew she didn’t mean it. That was what they did. Annoyed the hell out of each other. Thor barked making a little person scatter. Fergus called out to her and a small elf emerged from behind some sacks. Arli was very pretty with her black hair fashioned into a bun with her purple tattoos. “Oh Maker you’re the Queen. And a Grey Warden. The Maker must be smiling on us if he sent someone of your stature to save us. And you,” She pointed at Raelyn “are the Warden Commander from Amaranthine.” Raelyn laid against the wall with her arms crossed not even bothering to look at Arli “Yeah. It’s nice to meet a fan.”

“Really I thought she was a person but okay.” Anders piped up. Raelyn walked over to him and kicked him in the crotch. Fergus coughed and Kirri watched him as he opened the door and looked back at Arli before stepping outside. The group followed as Fergus and Kirriana led them around Highever clearing the grounds of the corpses of the old servants and guards. “You haven’t changed Highever much since you became Teryn Fergus.” Nathaniel said quite out of the blue. “I wouldn’t dare. I don’t believe my sister would allow me to. This place brings back more good memories than it does bad and I wouldn’t wish to erase all that used to be. It only adds the great history of this castle and my family.” Fergus said it with a smile that didn’t show his pain. “Have you been here yourself Nathaniel?” Anders asked. “Before I left Ferelden to become a squire I used to visit here often with my father and younger sister.” He seemed indifferent to being in the estate again. The conversation moved to other things until Raelyn shushed them as they approached the Library. Raelyn went first and took out the few skeletons lurking around. They told the group of servants hiding in the study to go to the larder. Kirriana told Horan to go with them for protection and Raelyn sent Thor to do the same. “There’s only the Main Hall left to clear Fergus. The last time I was in there, I left Ser Gilmore to die.” She shared a look with her brother and they stepped towards the Hall. Fergus unlocked the doors Kirriana saw a flash back to her dream where her companions were all sprawled across the room dead. “Ah children. You’re back and I see you’ve brought some friends how nice. Nathaniel! We haven’t seen you in a while have we dear?”

“Please do not let their appearances fool you these are demons a desire and pride.” 

“Oh really? I thought that they were your parents come back to take Highever back.” Nathaniel said his annoyance showing through. “Shut up Nathaniel or I will punch you.” Rae spat back at him. “Now now children stop your bickering. I think you all need a nap. Just go to sleep and then you can wake up all refreshed.” She smiled and Kirriana knew exactly what was happening. “NO! RESIST IT!” But it was too late Fergus and Anders were already asleep. Her eyes dropped and she tried to keep them as wide as she could her and Raelyn passed out at the same time. When she woke she was tied to Raelyn. Anders and Nathaniel were also tied to each other. “Nice of you to join us.” Rae said. Scanning the room for her brother she found him behind the demons who had, just like in her dream; taken their own forms. They had him in a force field which Cillian was keeping intact. “He is smaller than normal pride demons.” Rae said to her. “They seem to have a pet-mistress thing going on and she cut him down to size with her nails when they changed forms. They took all our staffs, your sword and Nathaniel’s bow. They are behind the same barrier as Fergus. If we can at least wound Cillian we can get our weapons.” Kirriana nodded as she managed to grab her hidden dagger and began cutting at their ropes as Raelyn talked. “Wow you are subtle and gentle aren't you?” Rae said to her friend with a smile. Artis turned “Ah daughter. You have finally woken up. I was beginning to worry about you.” She said it with a mocking tone while stroking her breast with her right arm. “I was so hurt last night when you told me I wasn’t your mother. But I forgive you and now that your brother is here we can be a family again. That’s what you want don’t you? After all this time you still blame yourself for our deaths but it wasn’t your fault we were betrayed. Yes, my spirits told me all about your nightmares. It must hurt to be in the same room as a member of the family that murdered us.” The demon looked at Nathaniel, licking her lips, stroking her breast circling her nipple this time. “UGH CAN YOU STOP FONDLING YOURSELF PLEASE? IT’S DISGUSTING.” Raelyn blurted out with a look of disgust on her face.

“Are you going to let your rude friend talk to your mother like that?” She wagged her finger at Rae. Kirriana got through the ropes at that moment and simultaneously threw it into the brain of the Pride demon. Raelyn and Kirriana stood and as Artis yelled out “CILLIAN!” and Rae used Cone of Cold to keep her still while Kirriana flipped over Cillian while taking her dagger from his skull to reach the weapons and Fergus. She slid Nathaniel’s bow and arrow quiver along with Anders’s staff to him and threw Raelyn’s staff to her as Artis broke free from her ice cage to charge at Rae. Cillian began to rise and Nathaniel took it as his cue to start firing arrows into Cillian’s back. Kirriana tried to protect her brother and herself from the Pride demons massive hands bashed against her shield shaking the ground upon impact. “Nathaniel switch targets!” Rae yelled from across the room. He nodded and began targeting Artis who was now charging at Anders who was busy trying to keep the group of skeletons one of the demons had called at bay. Raelyn ran up to Cillian who still had his focus on the siblings and slid underneath him sticking her staff straight through him with the tip of the staff protruding his skull. She pulled it out, using the momentum to slide herself to Kirriana. Cillian finally fell as they helped Fergus stand. Kirriana re-joined the fight. An arrow flew past her face and she turned to see that the target was directly behind her, ready to backstab her. “I guess you could say that you owe me your life.” Nathaniel said

“Ha. As if Howe.” She threw her dagger directly past his face, hitting a skeleton archer between its eyes, stopping Nathaniel from being shot in the back. “I guess you could say that you owe me your life.” She mocked him. He shot her ungrateful look. They finished the rest of the skeletons off before turning to Artis who had curled up and made a barrier around herself. She opened up using a telekinetic blast that she had charged up to throw Anders, Kirriana, Nathaniel and Raelyn to opposite corners of the Hall. “YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR KILLING MY BELOVED CILLIAN! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN WILL BEFALL YOU FOR KILLING MY PET! I WI--” Artis was suddenly hoisted up in the air, having being stabbed in the heart. Fergus was shaking as he stood, holding the demon up on the end of his sword “You know nothing about this family so shut up. Now you may go to hell.” She struggled waving her claws around trying to save herself. When she finally died the other four were dropped from the walls. Kirriana made sure to catch herself with her arms, remembering what she could be carrying. Nathaniel caught himself and Anders wasn’t quick enough and so he landed face first onto the floor. Fergus caught Raelyn who then blushed and asked to be put down. Kirriana embraced her brother knowing that it was finally over. As the rest of the group went to tell the ones hiding that it was once again safe, Fergus and Kirriana returned to their old rooms. They had been left mostly intact and Kirriana looked over her old things and found the book she had been reading at the time that she left. The History of Grey Wardens in Ferelden by Brother Genitivi. How ironic, Kirriana thought to herself. Now I’m a part of that history. She took the things that meant the most to her including a family portrait with her parents, Fergus and Oriana and Oren in the painting with her. She searched through her draws and found the necklace that she had thrown into that drawer was still as shiny as it had been when it was first presented to her. As she looked at the sparkling garnet she saw the memories it had seen reflected on it. She bit her lip gripping it harder in her hand. “You kept the necklace. After all this time.” She turned to look at Nathaniel.

“It stayed in my drawers. I wouldn’t even look at it let alone touch it. T’was to be expected considering the circumstances I believe.” He looked at his feet and then nodded.

“I pushed for my Squireship to help give you some space. But I didn’t stop loving you. I know you did with me but I always hoped that one day we could possibly be friends again, Maker willing. The Maker will judge me for what I did but I hope that you could forgive me.”

“I have a new life now based on what happened here that night. I can’t stop to look back on the past I have responsibilities that keep me focused on the future.” Kirriana said passively. “And would these ideals be of your own sound mind or your husbands? Because the Kirriana I knew lived for her past and history.” He said it as if he was batting away a horsefly. “Alistair has done nothing to change me. This is my own thinking. My marriage does not simply erase everything that I ever learnt and know. As queen I have my own responsibilities. There are also things I must do as a Warden. I must protect the people and rule them fairly.” Her voice started getting higher pitched.

“My 7 years has changed you drastically if you can’t see that those are the things that they start to feed you but soon enough all you’ll be reduced to is a husk of the brilliant woman you used to be, only useful for appearances, producing heirs if you are able that is and going out and killing darkspawn until you finally die. If you can’t give Ferelden any heirs to fawn over, they’ll make sure that you are tossed aside for someone that can and you know this. The Kirriana I knew wouldn’t let herself get into a situation like this. She stayed away from politics and devoted her time to widening her knowledge!” Nathaniel spat at her almost yelling.

“You’re a Warden now too. Your fate is also to die. I don’t see how you can criticize how I bide my time until I die. Alistair loves me and would never replace me! How can you come into my home and speak to me in such a manner?!” Kirriana asked, holding back tears.

“Oh no Kirri by choice this is no longer your home. You gave up all rights to call Highever that when you let a palace be your home as you traded your name for something higher!” He snapped. “I gave up the name Cousland when I became a Warden. It’s part of the job description. Highever will always be my home. I was raised here and would still be here if it weren’t for the wretched Blight. I grew up and took on responsibilities that laid outside of the knowledge a book provides. I am still me. Now get out of my home!” Nathaniel left. They rode back the next day leaving Fergus to deal with his estate. Raelyn stayed with Kirriana for a week until Eamon arrived back to check up on her as Alistair had asked him to. A week after that her husband came home. He lifted her up spinning her around and kissed her before saying “Kirri you look as though you have gained weight but you still feel as light as ever.” Instead of taking it offensively as she knew that it was meant as a compliment, she blamed it on Arli insisting on a celebration feast which was true. While Alistair held court a few days later, she had Wynne check up on her. “Well my dear, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly healthy.” Kirriana sat up. “There’s something else though. I had my suspicions when we arrived but I couldn’t be sure until now. You are going to have a baby.” She said the smile on her face brimming from ear to ear. Kirriana smiled just as widely, happy for a few moments before she got scared of what would happen. “Can I carry a baby to term safely?” She asked needing to know.

 

“I cannot say for sure as two Grey Wardens parenting a baby is rare and it’s never been put into any records. You are a strong young woman who is more than capable of being a wonderful mother.” Wynne patted Kirriana’s shoulder before leaving the room. Kirriana helped to hold court and asked to talk to her husband after. She had to wait when Eamon arrived and asked to speak with Alistair on an on-going matter. Dinner was his time to talk about his time in Orzammar and there was a delicate matter of elf vs. noble that meant that Kirriana just retired to the library with Quentis, finishing the book that she left at Highever. As it was still light outside she went and visited Brother Genitivi’s home taking Quentis with her. Genitivi gave her a look at the new book he was writing about the Fifth Blight. When they left his home, they ran into Alistair returning from the Alienage. Quentis and the guards left them alone. They walked towards the small field behind Arl Eamon’s estate. They laid down and Alistair asked “Now that I finally have a moment, what was it that you wished to discuss with me?” He picked up a red rose that grew wild in the field and handed it to Kirriana. “Wynne checked my health today.” He sat up. “Please don’t say that you are not in good health. I couldn’t bear it if you were unwell.” Kirriana sat up and looked at the sunset. “No Alistair, I am well. I haven’t been feeling like myself as of late but that has passed and I feel like myself again. Let me just say that you shouldn’t make any plans for either of us late Eluviesta, early Molioris. Summerday in particular.” She twirled the rose between her fingers, stroking the soft petals. “Why am I to keep that space of time open?” Alistair inquired. Without looking up from the rose petals she replied “Because that is when I am expecting the arrival of our baby. It is too early to tell what the gender will be.” She looked at Alistair who was laid down smiling from ear to ear with his eyes closed “Either would be good. Maker I’m a lucky man to have you. I love you Kirriana Theirin.” Kirriana smiled and laid down beside him “I love you too Alistair Theirin.” They laid there enjoying the warmth of the last rays of sun from the bright sunset.


End file.
